The Overachiever’s Guide to Procrastination


The Overachiever’s Guide to Procrastination

A Simple 3 Step Process to Procrastinating Better Starting…Sometime Soon

Do you get the absolute most out of every 24 hours you have? Do you whizz through your to-do list, demanding tasks trickling through your fingers like sweet, tender honey? Are you so productive, you leave everyone else in the dust? Frankly, procrastination is not a word to which you can relate.

But, is this high-level productivity getting you down? Do you wish you could be more like those people who piss around on Facebook all day? Are you envious of those slightly flabby folks who have time for endless cat memes, hilarious videos of people doing stupid stuff and those quizzes that tell you the real colour of your soul (or some s**t like that)?

Then you, my friend, are in the right place. My proven 3-step process will have you procrastinating like the best of them. Read on, and you will be wasting time like a pro in, well however long you’ve got really, there’s no point in rushing this stuff.

Step one: Utilise Social Media

Facebook is my number one go-to tool when it comes to procrastination. Facebook groups allow you to waste hours arguing with people you don’t know, and will never meet, about stuff that isn’t really all that important.

If you’re a mum, you can get your knickers in a twist over that self-righteous cow who only feeds her toddler organic food; unless you are that mum in which case, please feel free to judge everyone else.

Instagram, YouTube, Pinterest, and all those other social networks you haven’t got around to checking out yet but where all the cool kids seem to be, they can all provide hours of mindless distraction and escape from your stressful, overproductive life.

Step two: Declutter, Clean or Organise

Let me tell you; this one is gold. When you really don’t want to get something done, it’s time to declutter. If you want to do it properly, you should remove every item from its place and spend some time deliberating over whether or not it sparks joy. It is going to take time. Time you don’t really have, but you’re going to use it anyway.

And what’s great about this is that you can feel good about yourself even if that enormous task lurking on your to-do list didn’t get done. Same goes for cleaning. You can deep clean some area of your house you usually ignore and feel proud of how sparkling you make it.

It works for your digital life as well. Do you have an important deadline coming up? It’s the perfect time to go through all your photo files, delete all the ones of the top of your toddler’s head, and order physical copies to put in an album.

I like to call this productive procrastination; only to be used sparingly.

Step three: Get Outside and Smell the Roses

This is the advanced level; please don’t attempt this if you are a beginner level procrastinator.

The world is full of beauty, given half a chance it can absorb your time and attention. All those little details you stopped noticing since you were a child because you were just too busy getting things done.

I live in built up, ugly, suburban Japan. If there is an empty space big enough for a building it’s just a matter of time before they build one. Most people look tired, stressed, unhappy.

There’s a river not far from where we live; it runs parallel to the main road which most people use when they are on their way somewhere. There’s a white bird, a crane of some sort that has yellow feet (I should look up the name) and a kingfisher which darts up and down the river. I wonder how many people know they’re there.

My son and I don’t get much done when we walk along the river, no blog posts written, no handmaid crafts to display on Pinterest, no gluten-free homemade organic blueberry muffins are baked. We haven’t done anything that anyone would call work.

Let me leave you with a poem; poetry is almost certainly an elaborate form of procrastination

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean–
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down —
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

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